Resident Evil 1
by DarkFaith the 1st
Summary: S.T.A.R.S. Alpha team is flying around Raccoon Forest near the Arklay Mountains to search for their compatriots,Bravo team but stumbles upon a mansion filled with nightmares and crazy humor. BTW Brad is not a wuss, just a caffeine addicted man.


Resident Evil

**Chapter 1: Introducing S.T.A.R.S.**

**Alpha team is flying around the Raccoon Forest, in search of their lost compatriot, Bravo team. **

**"****Have you guys found them yet?" Brad Vickers, the pilot asked from the pilot seat**

**"****No Brad, not yet" Chris Redfield, the marksmen replied**

**There were outlandish reports of bizarre murder cases and victims were apparently…eaten**

**"****You mean like zombies, Chris?" Brad asked from his seat again. Chris turned around to the pilot's direction with an angry expression**

**"****Yes, Brad! Zombies! We were building up to that, but you were way worse!" Chris replied**

**"****Awesome!" Brad muttered to himself.**

**Where was I? Oh yeah, we received information on the whereabouts of the killer and Bravo team was sent in to investigate**

**"****I mean can't they just do one investigation without me getting a call in the middle of the night, to find their stupid ass!"Chris complained in the popo chopper**

**"****Nobody is happy to be here, Chris" Jill Valentine, the most oblivious person and point-man or woman said**

**"****Shut up, b*tch, it was my day-off!" Chris angrily replied**

**Where was I again? Bravo team was sent in to investigate, but we lost contact. The chopper headlight spotted a helicopter**

**"****Look, Chris!" Jill pointed at the helicopter. Barry Burton, the weapon specialist, went beside Jill and looked out.**

**"****What is it? I don't see anything special about that wrecked up helicopter. Jill, are you high again?" Barry said**

**"****If I was, my face would have been messed up" Jill replied**

**"****Land the chopper here, Brad" Albert Wesker, the bad-ass shades man and mission leader, ordered. But young Brad was busy playing with his, from the future 'SmartPhone' although it was 1998. It was clear that Brad was operating the chopper with his legs while playing Angry Birds with his hands**

**"****Oh for goodness sake, Vickers, use that thing until its 2011 or something!" Wesker said while slapping Brad at the head. Joseph Frost, the vehicular specialist, had his buddy-senses were tingling and he shouted:**

**"****Bradie, are you in danger buddy?!" **

**"****No" Brad said while landing the chopper. Alpha team got out and Wesker ordered Joseph to investigate the crash site. Bravo team's helicopter was a derilick. As Joseph went inside he checked the pilot seat. And same goes to the remains of Kevin Dooley, Bravo team's pilot. Joseph staggered back and on the way of exiting the helicopter, he tripped over and fell. We continued our search for the other members and it turned into…a nightmare. Jill was searching around the areas with Joseph as back-up. **

**"****Hey Jill, are you sure this place is secured?" Joseph asked from behind**

**"****Well, I'm not sure myself. I mean, this place is where Bravo team lost contact with us, and seeing Kevin like that, I don't think we can call it safe for now" Jill replied with a concern voice.**

**Meanwhile**

**Brad was in the chopper with rock metal music on maximum volume on his smart phone while drinking coffee, loads of them. When he saw his battery was almost dead, he turned it off for now and went for a piss break. He got out of the chopper and went to a nearby bush and started doing his business while drinking coffee. He took a sip from his new batch of coffee and he spat out the liquid**

**"****Latte?!" Brad shouted as he threw the cup full of latte toward the woods**

**Meanwhile**

**Joseph heard a rustling noise and growling of what sounded like dogs. He quickly turned around and pointed his Winchester shotgun at the source of the noise and aimed left and right, but nothing was there. He lowered his shotgun and he was startled to hear a shout that said: " Latte?!" and something ran up to Joseph and jumped towards Joseph, but a flying cup of Latte impacted on the creature and the creature yelped and missed Joseph. Joseph stared at the creature that looks like a canine with missing patches of skin and rotten flesh surrounding the canine's entire body. Joseph aimed his weapon at the creature as it was about to pounce again and pulled the trigger. Four more dogs came out and growled at Joseph.**

**"****Whoever trained you must have messed you up" Joseph muttered. Jill, being the oblivious one she is, was bending over a rock to inspect it. After she heard Joseph fired his shotgun she simply said:**

**"****Don't get trigger happy now, Joseph" and resumed her investigation.**

**Meanwhile**

**Brad chugged down his last coffee and still wanted more. Brad was indeed the caffeine craver everyone at the office called him. And his coffee instinct says to find that cup of Latte, even though he doesn't like Latte. He was determined to find that cup of Latte even though it might have spilled , he was going to lick the remaining coffee on the ground if he had to. But he heard a gunshot. And now he was interested in the sound. And so, he got out the chopper and made his way toward the sound, what an idiot.**

**Meanwhile**

**Joseph shot the last hound before it reached Joseph. Another one jumped and opened its jaw. Joseph tried to reload his hand gun due to his shotgun being empty of bullets, but the dog was shot off and landed near the other remains of dogs. Joseph looked towards his savior and it was Brad Vickers himself. Brad went towards Joseph and handed out some shotgun cartridges**

**"****Here, you might need it." Brad said while Joseph happily takes them**

**"****How did you know I was out and where did you get them?" Joseph asked**

**"****Simple, my Joseph-is-out-of-shotgun-cartridges-senses were tingling and I stole them from Jill before we took off, the poor oblivious b*tch." Brad said matter-of-factly while staring at Jill as she picked up her 192th rocks of tonight.**

**"****Come to think of it, where are the others?" Brad asked and Joseph just shrugged**

**As if on cue, Chris, Barry and Wesker arrived.**

**"****Are you guys alright?" Barry asked**

**"****Yeah, just fine" Joseph replied**

**"****Where were you guys?" Brad asked**

**"****Uuummm" the three men said while trying to find an excuse**

**A few minutes earlier**

**Chris, Barry and Wesker were taking selfies with the corpse of Kevin Dooley while giggling like little girls on sugar. That was, until Kevin became a zombie and scared the golden shit out them. Wesker shot him between the eyes and he finally rested in piece**

**"****R.I.P brother" Barry said with a mournful tone and face.**

**"****Hehehe, that stands for Rich In Piss" Chris stated and the three men giggled again until they heard a gunshot and a girlish scream about Lattes.**

**Back to the present**

**"****By the way, has anyone seen my Latte?" Brad asked looking at the other members for an answer. But the first dog that attacked Joseph came out of a bush with Brad's coffee cup on the canine's head and growled at the team. Another packed came out and spotted them**

**"****Never mind, the dogs can have it!" Brad said as he turned around to run just to see that the other members have already left him, which is completely vice versa to the original story. The team saw lights ahead and a structure of a mansion and they hurried towards the mansion.**

**Meanwhile, somewhere behind the mansion**

**Edward Dewey, Co-pilot of Bravo team, pushed aside some bushes to let Rebecca Chambers, the Medic of Bravo team, walk through with ease. They spotted a trail and decided to follow it. **

**"****I know what you did back there with the fugitive, Billy Coen" Edward stated with a calm tone. Rebecca's eyes widened but she looked away. She didn't thought Edward saw her free Coen and let him escaped. She might lose her new job if Edward told Enrico Marini, the mission leader of Bravo team, about the little secret.**

**"****Edward, look, I'll give you my extra soda drink if you don't tell the Captain about me and Coen" She said with a pleading voice, she did a puppy dog eyes at Edward.**

**"****And beside he was-"**

**"****Framed" Edward completed Rebecca's sentence.**

**"****I know I was bent on hell to catch him without even thinking if he was really the culprit or not. And I apologize for that, though I have to track him down to apologize to him" Edward explained kindly**

**"****Wait how did you know he was framed?" Rebecca asked with a curious voice as they walked along the path.**

**"****Well, you see…" Edward started**

**A few hours earlier**

**After Billy Coen saved Rebecca from falling to her death, Rebecca asked**

**"****I have to ask, what did you do to get arrested?" Rebecca asked Billy**

**Edward was on the roof and he spotted Rebecca. He was high enough to hear their conversation. Billy looked away with a regretful expression**

**"****I was following my orders, but you don't follow orders that are boring and shit. And so I was framed." Billy said with a bored tone. Edward overheard this and erased killing Coen from his To-Do list.**

**Back in present**

**"****I, um, read Billy's Wikipedia page…is that believable?" Edward nervously explained while hoping Rebecca wouldn't think he was an eavesdropper. Edward believed in justice and rights, so he was easily blinded in taking down Coen. Even though he was making Coen a dead man his first priority, taking care of young people and rookies like Rebecca was also his first priorities.**

**"****Edward, what's a Wikipedia?" Rebecca asked stopping in her tracks with a curious expression. And the fact why only pilots like Edward and Brad were clearly the only people who were modern was ignored by other members.**

**"****It's this type of thing where you can-"Edward couldn't finish his sentence because he was interrupted by a rustling noise behind them. They both turned around to see a rotting dog coming towards them with another five dogs behind it.**

**"****We don't have enough ammunition for all of them, we have to run!" Edward shouted to Rebecca while motioning for her to go ahead. He ran behind her towards a mansion structure, he turned around to shoot down one of the rotters. But as he turned, he tripped over a tree root and his head impacted on a stone. He felt something on his head and touched it. And what he saw was blood, his blood. He felt his consciousness slip away as Rebecca tried to stand her ground and shot off any dog coming near the injured pilot. She progressed through but her aim wasn't as great as her courage and so, one of the dogs jumped towards Edward, ready to kill him. The dog would've been able to mauled Edward if it wasn't shot at the head by a shotgun by figure that came from the direction Edward and Rebecca came from. Edward was dragged towards the mansion by Rebecca as the figure provided back-up while following them. And before he went into the mansion, Edward passed out due to his loss of blood.**

**Meanwhile at the mansion hall**

**"****Alright team!" Enrico Marini said to his team as they rendezvous back at the hall**

**"****You mean remaining team, right?" Kenneth J. Sullivan, the Chemist and Back-up man, said to his captain, wondering why he was so happy even though there were only three of them that managed to rendezvous at the hall.**

**"****Remaining is demanding. Good to be alive than ending up zombie Ronny over there" Forest Speyer, the Vehicular Specialist and Sharpshooter, said while pointing behind him without moving. The two elderly man looked behind the sharpshooter to see a zombie a biting a vase, they noticed the zombie had a name tag that read "Ronny" on his left chest.**

**"****Wow, I guess it is better than ending up like that total soulless dumbass" Kenneth said with an impressed tone while still staring at the zombie that was now biting the candle stand.**

**"****Yep, total zero percent logic and hundred percent shit brain" Forest said nonchalantly.**

**"****Anyway, unlike those dumbass captains in survival horror games that let their team stupidly separate and die off one by one, I, Enrico Marini, will order Kenneth to go back to the dining room while Forest investigates the east 2****nd**** balcony. I will investigate the courtyard." And with that they saluted and went to their separate ways except Forest, who was still saluting and smiling until the two elderly men left. After they left, Forest immediately frowned and went to his destination while muttering**

**"****And he calls them dumbass even though he was a dumbass himself" Forest passed by Zombie Ronny and the zombie followed Forest up the stairs. Forest turned around and saw Zombie Ronny following him around.**

**"****No! Bad Ronny! Go and eat Kenneth!" Forest scolded Zombie Ronny as the zombie pouted and went to the dining room.**

**"****Wow, even the zombies are dumbass" Forest stated and shrugged it off. As he opened the door to the 2****nd**** and approached another door until he heard a door close behind him. He turned around to see a zombie approaching him. The zombie was wearing a name tag that read "Tommy" on his left chest just like Zombie Ronny. Forest sighed and fired his grenade launcher at Zombie Tommy and the zombie exploded into million bits around the small room. Forest simply rolled his eyes and entered the door.**

**Meanwhile**

**Enrico was eating chips while walking around the courtyard, doubting anything will be here, he went towards a fountain to have a wash for his sleepy face, but instead he slipped and fell towards the fountain, thinking his face would slam into the wall but instead he fell through an opened entrance behind the fountain and stumbled upon a cave.**

**"****Ha ha, I am so smarter than those dumbass captains" He muttered to himself as he followed the cave and found a metal door. He went through the door and found another door across the cave system. He approached the door but he heard a screeching noise behind him and as he turned around, a reptilian shit-looking monster jumped down from somewhere the ceiling and charged towards Enrico. Enrico threw his bags of chips at the reptile thing.**

**"****Fine! You can have it!" Enrico said angrily. The Hunter smiled and grabbed the bag of chips but found the bag was empty of its content.**

**"****What?! You want bullet with that empty bag of chips too?" Enrico said as he pulled out his magnum before firing three rounds into the monster's head. The monster was still alive and attacked Enrico, who tried to dodge, at his leg with its sharp, strong claw. Enrico fell while one hand clutching his hands and one hand was firing his magnum at the beast until it was dead. He got up still clutching his bleeding leg and went through the door, hoping to find medical supplies, while muttering something about him being a bad-ass captain**

**Meanwhile**

**Alpha team finally arrived at the mansion. They ran inside while Brad slammed the door shut and he leaned at the door, clearly exhausted, and sat down. The rest of the team was panting like a dog until they caught their own breathes. Barry looked around the hall they have just entered and said the most brilliant thing after encountering completely retarded and rotting dogs:**

**"****Wow! What a mansion!"**

**"Really Barry? We were almost killed by rotting dogs and your talking about a scary-ass mansion" Joseph said while he helped Brad up his feet.**

**"Well, what am I supposed to say? Joseph, you should have been mauled to death by rotting dogs" Barry said trying to prove the point that he actually does not know what to shrugged**

**"I dunno, say something like" Dang, them dogs were fucked up!Gangsta face!" Joseph said while acting and talking like a real gangster.**

**Meanwhile**

**Kenneth went inside a room beside the dining room and found a small hallway and decided to follow found a corner that had a sofa and a heard a shuffling noise behind him and turned around to see Zombie felt bad for the dumb zombie and decided to put it out of its readied his gun and shot several times but the thing wouldn't go old Kenneth doesn't realize his ammo is actually blank.**

**"Oh,Crap"was Kenneth's only word as the zombie came closer.**

**End of chapter 1**


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